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Poster: fenario80 Date: Oct 12, 2010 7:25am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

Woah, Monte! A few days late seeing this, as usual, but this is an amazing post.

If you ever like your rock and roll on the heavy side, there is an album I cannot recommend highly enough: it's called Undertow by the band Tool, and it's all about dealing with the affects of molestation.

Here is their most amazing video on youtube, but please be forewarned that it is tough stuff. The song is called Prison Sex:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5sIXUbMgF0


This post was modified by fenario80 on 2010-10-12 14:25:57

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Poster: dead-head_Monte Date: Oct 12, 2010 10:14am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

Thanks, man. Thanks everyone for your empathy. Talking about this stuff is not fun. It sucks. If I did not mention this stuff, and its context here, I would be the immoral monster, instead of Richard Gertner and Ken Buck.

A sad story for you:

During John F. Kennedy's presidential run in 1960, he swung by my neighborhood and gave a speech. John F. Kennedy spoke to an audience at The Teaneck Armory in the fall of 1960. It was 2 blocks from my home. My mom & dad went there. Hundreds of people were there. I was 9 years old.

While JFK was speaking at Teaneck Armory, I was being raped for a few hours. Richard Gertner was raping me in my bedroom, in my own bed!

I've had severe insomnia ever since. I haven't slept a wink since that day.

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Poster: fenario80 Date: Oct 12, 2010 10:21am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

What I like most about the Tool album is the unrestrained rage, and it sounds like you are in a place to appreciate that, too. When I first saw that video in the mid-90's it freaked me out, and honestly was a major factor in pushing me into therapy.

You sound great, though, non-equivocating, pissed off about what was taken from you, which is an entirely appropriate response. We don't want to wallow in the misery, obviously, but I believe that it is important to acknowledge the pain and RAGE. Tool really helped me with the RAGE part, as my own story is somewhat complicated. My twin sister and I were molested by my teenage brother - six years older - from the ages of 8 to 10, but it is obvious that he was also being molested at the time. Both his scoutmaster and a guy he worked for in high school went to prison some years later on separate molestation charges.

My brother absolutely will not ackowledge this, or participate in any conversation that touches on these men, or on the sex scandal that rocked our Jesuit prep school just a few years after I graduated, which involved several priests that he was 'friendly' with in high school. The problem is that I love my brother - he's kind of a terrific guy, and has a great family that I love, and I don't really hold him responsible for what happened. We had abusive alcoholic parents, and he was obviously being exploited outside the home, and I understand that he was a kid acting out under extraordinary pressure. None of that changes what happened to me, though, or the fact that in our eyes, he was very much an adult and he took advantage of us.

I may delete a lot of this post after you read it; I may not be as comfortable as you with all my stuff hanging out here, but I would like to exchange e-mail addresses if you want to.

PS I did a Yahoo! search on your moster's name this morninm, and the third thing on the response list was your post.

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Poster: dead-head_Monte Date: Oct 12, 2010 10:59am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

"My twin sister and I were molested by my teenage brother - six years older - from the ages of 8 to 10, but it is obvious that he was also being molested at the time."

Bingo! That's why I'm voting against Ken Buck.

I'm still working on trying to develop as much character as you and your sister have. I became a Rebel. My rebellious behavior empowered me to have the balls to become a sneaky taper. I walked right past many security details with my taping rig in tow. After taping, I'd walk right out the front door and wave to them.

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Poster: fenario80 Date: Oct 12, 2010 11:11am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

Yeah, I also just remembered that you stopped drinking a while back. I was a few years sober before I could deal with any of this shit, too.

My sister and I became fearless little monsters, too; teenage alcoholics, drug addicts, and criminals. I got clean and sober for good in 1987 at age 23, which is a pretty good indicator of how bad it was for me. My sister kind of went a different rout, but she also pulled her shit together and is now a very respected pediatrician. She and I can talk about this, which is a huge plus.

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Poster: dead-head_Monte Date: Oct 12, 2010 11:57am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

NO - no. I never, never was a drinker.

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Poster: fenario80 Date: Oct 12, 2010 12:02pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

My mistake - sorry about that

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Poster: fenario80 Date: Oct 12, 2010 10:57am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

Hey, maybe you don't actually want this, but this is some truly creepy stuff. A 1931-born New Jerseyite named Richard Gardner, who held some controversial views on child psychology. There's a picture of the guy too:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_A._Gardner

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Poster: dead-head_Monte Date: Oct 12, 2010 12:40pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

That's funny. Did you see snow_and_rain finding another Richard Gartner, psychologist and psychoanalyst in New York City who specializes in treating men with histories of sexual abuse?

New Jersey's Richard Gertner is a rapist, child abuser, molester, and pedophile who raped me for several years. He is in exactly the same camp as your brother the molester. Ken Buck is far worse than Richard Gertner, who was raping me when I was 8, 9, 10 years old. Richard Gertner was probably 15, 16, 17, or 18 years old while he was raping me. Richard Gertner was most likely born approximately 1942, plus or minus 2 or 3 years. James Gertner was pretty messed up also, about sexual abuse. James knew what Richard was doing to me, but James NEVER laid a finger on me. Thank you, James.

January 1, 1961 address
Richard and older brother James Gertner

Richard Gertner
54-K Howard Drive
Bergenfield, NJ 07621

Monte Barry wrote this posting today, on October 12, 2010. Monte lives in Fort Collins, Colorado. Monte Barry appears in the phone book.

Monte Barry is a.k.a Monte-the-Taper, and dead-head_Monte

Monte Barry in his mug-shot
monte-gd-smile.jpg

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Oct 12, 2010 3:28pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

I am very late to the game here Monte . I am very sympathetic to your situation , and I'm so sorry for that awful hand you were dealt as a child . The trauma carves out deep areas of one's heart and spirit , and some of those places can never be filled again . The best one can do is compartmentalize , but that takes a lot of constant energy and focus . It's wearing .
The % of men who were molested , who go on to become offenders themselves is high . So you can take satisfaction that though this tragedy has took so much from you , it did not take that which makes you human and your empathy . Disclosure can be liberating and I hope you are able to have whatever non-violent ending you need with your rapist . I know that Statute of Limitations for these crimes has been extended in many jurisdictions , if you seek legal remedies . I would find out . Go easy as you can Monte . You are not alone .

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Poster: fenario80 Date: Oct 12, 2010 3:54pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: 'fair game' now

Hey Monte, you are my hero today. Hell, probably for this year. Very inspiring. Thanks for bringing this in here: I really appreciate the opportunity to get to know you better and, of course, to vent my spleen. I wish you joy, peace, and sleep on your journey.